ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?
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ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?
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So many people spend more than can afford in an effort to supply their kids w/ ALL  the  TOYS; ELECTRONIC  GADGETS; popular styles of CLOTHING& SHOES,.That are seen on  T
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Forums » Baking Forums » The Water Cooler » ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?

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Forums  »  Baking Forums  »  The Water Cooler  »  ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?

ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?

posted at 11/28/2010 7:47 PM EST
Posts: 992
First: 10/7/2010
Last: 8/28/2011
So many people spend more than can afford in an effort to supply their kids w/ ALL  the  TOYS; ELECTRONIC  GADGETS; popular styles of CLOTHING& SHOES,.That are seen on  TV or in magazines.
UndecidedDo you think this is  a good idea?
UndecidedIs it realistic for them m to expect everything they want?
Should we feel as ifwe failed     our kids, if we cannot  provide all the" things' they hoped for?
UndecidedIs it a better gift to give them our undistracted  time  & teach them that things  do not represent their value to us or make them more or less than they realy  are?

Re: ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?

posted at 11/28/2010 8:16 PM EST
Posts: 7310
First: 6/23/2010
Last: 4/23/2014
I would vote "YES; They are only young once; Ilike to make them HAPPY!"   if   I thought it could possibly work.

Re: ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?

posted at 11/28/2010 9:52 PM EST
Posts: 1828
First: 9/9/2008
Last: 4/23/2014
I just heard that 13 million people are still paying off bills from last Christmas.  That is so crazy!  We were all young once.  Did we get everything we asked for?  I don't think so.  But personally I know I was always happy with what I did get. 

When my kids were younger I refused to go to the stores and fight someone for the "latest" toys.  And I think my kids were always happy with what they got.  Unfortunately now that they are grown up they do tend to buy a lot of the latest gadgets.  But I just wonder how much of it is still peer pressure,  such as friends who do the same things?  And of course I do see my grandaughter wanting all the things her friends have but she knows "this grandma" won't cave in and run out to buy it for her LOL.  All we can do is show them by example and pray that they learn to temper what they want with what they can afford.

Great topic Ann. 

Re: ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?

posted at 11/29/2010 7:03 PM EST
Posts: 4948
First: 6/4/2010
Last: 4/30/2013
The most important things that you can give your children money can't buy,that is LOVE,not material possessions.We as parents have to teach our children right from wrong,faith and respect.I feel that too many parents try to compensate their lack of time spent with their children,with material possessions.Allow your children to experience nature and to respect it.We do just about everything as a family.When Mike and I got married and had our children,we promised to be the best parents that we could possibly be.Sure our children had their share of things that they wanted,but they had to earn it,no one hands you anything.Things are different now from when we were growing up,and I see a lot of children who have too much and they still are not happy.My answer to the question is no it isn't necessary to give your children everything out on the market.My kids were always happy with anything they received.

Re: ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?

posted at 12/4/2010 10:57 AM EST
Posts: 1333
First: 8/8/2008
Last: 4/16/2014
i had 4 kids and i didnt buy everything they wanted kids today think they should get everything they want. theres to much out there that kids see and want its a shame who has the money to spend .being good mom and dads don't mean you spend money you don't have when i was a kid my dad made tables and chairs or doll beds and we got clothes . maybe a small doll . they didnt have a lot of money

Re: ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?

posted at 12/4/2010 11:27 AM EST
Posts: 1
First: 12/4/2010
Last: 12/4/2010

Providing unnecessary things in the life of a child, however important it appears to them, establishes the giving parent as weak--and causes the child TO ABUSE THE PARENT. Thus, the child (no matter how old) will not appreciate the sacrifices made to sustain their material wishes and NOT LEARN TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR OWN NEEDS. This is one of the most difficult aspects of parenting.

Many people will agree with me wholeheartedly, but I truly wonder if they would follow the path of material abstinence with their offsping when confronted with the wily methods they employ to 'have their way'. For instance, the images conjured by the verbal assaults of a defiant child all too unbearable to cause many good people to cave to their demands--thus assuming the burden of increased debt, more work stress, and the resultant negative effects on physical health (just look around and see how many people are very overweight).

Would your child report you to a state agency on grounds of abuse as a mask for not receiving the 'things' they covet? How many people out there are truly wealthy enough to sustain the shallow desires of a child whose only inspiration is to liken themselves to a peer whose parents are materially well endowed? What happened to love and moral support? Isn't that enough?

Re: ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?

posted at 12/4/2010 3:14 PM EST
Posts: 4948
First: 6/4/2010
Last: 4/30/2013
In Response to Re: ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?:
Providing unnecessary things in the life of a child, however important it appears to them, establishes the giving parent as weak--and causes the child TO ABUSE THE PARENT. Thus, the child (no matter how old) will not appreciate the sacrifices made to sustain their material wishes and NOT LEARN TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR OWN NEEDS. This is one of the most difficult aspects of parenting. Many people will agree with me wholeheartedly, but I truly wonder if they would follow the path of material abstinence with their offsping when confronted with the wily methods they employ to 'have their way'. For instance, the images conjured by the verbal assaults of a defiant child all too unbearable to cause many good people to cave to their demands--thus assuming the burden of increased debt, more work stress, and the resultant negative effects on physical health (just look around and see how many people are very overweight). Would your child report you to a state agency on grounds of abuse as a mask for not receiving the 'things' they covet? How many people out there are truly wealthy enough to sustain the shallow desires of a child whose only inspiration is to liken themselves to a peer whose parents are materially well endowed? What happened to love and moral support? Isn't that enough?
Posted by Vincent M


I agree with you 100%.

Re: ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?

posted at 12/5/2010 12:15 PM EST
Posts: 4948
First: 6/4/2010
Last: 4/30/2013
Here is an example of a child that has everything handed to them: My friend lost her husband at an early age and they had one child,he is now a teenager,he goes to the best school and has always gotten pretty much everything he asks for.My friend hires someone to cut here grass and other yard work.I asked her son the one day why don't you do the yard work and your mom could pay you and that would be your little job and maybe some of the other neighbors would hire you also.He answered me by saying why should I  ? She gives me the money anyways.I just didn't know what to say.

Re: ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?

posted at 12/5/2010 12:59 PM EST
Posts: 483
First: 10/5/2008
Last: 12/5/2011
By the time my kids were 2 they understood the rules of work and reward. I raised them to do things for the joy and rewards follow. Maybe not immediately but it will come. If you want the latest of something I will help but you will also do your part.
 They are now grown and successful regardless of economic conditions. There is always enough to go around. 

Re: ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?

posted at 1/30/2011 9:09 AM EST
Posts: 3553
First: 1/16/2009
Last: 4/23/2014
I think it's better to give them what they need rather than everything they want.  In life you can't always get everything you want!

Re: ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?

posted at 1/30/2011 11:16 AM EST
Posts: 725
First: 12/31/2009
Last: 3/21/2014
No.  KIds need to learn to work for things so they can learn to appreciate it.

Re: ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?

posted at 1/30/2011 2:42 PM EST
Posts: 992
First: 10/7/2010
Last: 8/28/2011
Hi    ALL ;I'm only  JUST NOW getting to read the  MANY THOUGHTFULL COMMENTS, in  reply to my
survey question of last  year.Embarassed   The question did not appear on my screen to allow me to follow up & reply.Frown
I am encouraged by those of you who seem to agree w/ me:

Things should not/ do not = love or self  worth.
Things should not be  required t o achieve happiness.
Teaching our youth to  appreciate what they have & how to work for those things they want is is a better gift than the latest styles & gadgets Tongue out I thank you all for reassuring me about  the value system  of  future generations ofAmericans Kiss  
  

Re: ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?

posted at 1/30/2011 5:07 PM EST
Posts: 4948
First: 6/4/2010
Last: 4/30/2013
Hi Ann, like I said in a post earlier on this forum.I did not hand my children just everything they wanted they had to work for it.The only things you owe your children are LOVE,clothing,food,shelter and an education and I'm not just talking about school we as parents have to teach our children life skills which include politeness,tolerance,truthfulness,faith,love etc.I am very proud of my sons.One is 28 and the other 21 they are both very responsible young men they have worked ever since they were old enough and they are both putting themselves through college.They both work full time jobs and still help with our family bussiness.We have been very generous to our children and in turn they are generous to others.These boys are my world.I loved them but never spoiled them.

Re: ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?

posted at 1/30/2011 6:17 PM EST
Posts: 1038
First: 10/1/2008
Last: 4/19/2014
How about some middle ground.  Our kids did not get everything, but they did have enough.  What we could not afford they often received from their grandparents.  Both adored their grandparents, and they like us too.  Both are very successful adults with good marriages, and great kids.  Yes, their kids have a lot, but they also have to work for things too.  Both our grandsons are seniors in high school, and they have part time jobs.  One tutors kids in math, and works for Kumon learning systems.  He just bought himself a full electronic keyboard, and is teaching himself to play it.  The other works at a nearby swimming pool helping with maintenance.  He also works for his parents who own a business.  The older girls babysit and pet sit.
I frankly do not believe that givng your kids a lot makes them become abusers.  One thing you need to give your children is good values, and respect for others.

Re: ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?

posted at 1/30/2011 9:51 PM EST
Posts: 658
First: 8/8/2008
Last: 6/5/2012
I was raised in a large family and never knew NEW!  It was always me downs and we were happy to get them!

Re: ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?

posted at 1/30/2011 10:58 PM EST
Posts: 1400
First: 8/9/2008
Last: 6/2/2013

We gave our sons some things, but they saved to buy other things they wanted.  We did go on vacation every year and they did get clothing and other things they needed and wanted.  But if there was something that was not within our means, they saved for it and purchased it.  They are both very responsible adults.  One son is going to be 35 and is a high school AP math teacher.  He also works weekends and whenever he is off from school and they need him, works at a Christian radio station.  He also does a lot of volunteer work.  Our other son is going to be 31 and works at a college in the IT department and also has part time jobs.  One son has a condo and one has a townhouse.  They got a lot of love growing up.  We were all involved in the church, choir, various clubs, etc.  They also learned truthfulness, politeness, the joy of helping others, etc.  Had they been handed everything they wanted they would not have turned out the way they did.


One of our sons lives about an hour away and even with his busy schdule, every time it snows, he comes here to shovel us out and in the summer comes here to cut our grass. My husband can't do it any longer because of his MS.  We wanted to hire someone to do this, but my son won't hear of it.  Our other son lives 4 hours away, so it is not easy for him to come here; but when he does, he helps out, too  At Christmas time when he was here he shoveled during the snowstorm.  He also goes grocery shopping and makes chili and other food to put in the freezer.  You can tell I am very very proud of both of them!!!!!!!

Re: ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?

posted at 1/30/2011 11:30 PM EST
Posts: 40
First: 12/18/2010
Last: 7/28/2013

I'm a single Mom and raised my son with the help of my parents.  I wasn't able to buy him all of the latest games, expensive clothes etc.  But he didn't go without.  He actually got to travel quite a bit because my parents would spend several weeks in B.C. each summer so they either took him with them or I sent him up with another family mbr or family friends that were traveling up to meet them.  He also went to NC with my aunt several times.  He will be the first to tell you that I know where every clearance bin is, in all of the stores in our area.  And when it comes to haggling with the merchants at the flea markets he wears them down every time.

Re: ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?

posted at 3/26/2011 8:38 AM EDT
Posts: 3553
First: 1/16/2009
Last: 4/23/2014
I once got a card from my son on Mother's Day that stated 'to Mom, who gave me everthing I needed, but not everthing I wanted."  Sometimes the not giving is a greater gift than the giving.

Re: ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?

posted at 3/26/2011 10:25 AM EDT
Posts: 483
First: 10/5/2008
Last: 12/5/2011
Seems to me I remember setting up plans for my three kids to earn what they wanted. By the time they started making enough money to put a dent in the price they would decide there were better ways to spend that money. Lesser priced items, just as good without someone else's name on it could leave change for a good time out to show off the ensemble they just bought.

Re: ISIT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROVIDE OUR KIDS w each& every TOY/POPUlAR CLOTHING OR SHOE I TEM GADGRT THEY SEE& WANT?

posted at 3/26/2011 7:58 PM EDT
Posts: 959
First: 1/30/2010
Last: 1/22/2013
I tried to teach my nieces that you didn't have to buy designer clothes and the highest priced items.  But my brother (their Dad) would go the other way.  He wanted those designer items for himself.  So how can you offset that?  Sigh
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